After over 20 years and countless stories, I’m lacking ideas, and when I have them, writing a story becomes more and more a chore.
I’m more often thinking “I HAVE TO to write the story” rather than “I want to write this story”.
I am more planning my day with “I will write for X time, then I will do other things”, which is not right.
It’s not a job. It’s not linked to an income. (I wish…)
Am I at this point in my life, in my fetish writer’s career, where it’s time to close the last book?
I will take summer to think about it and make my final decision this fall.
Don’t worry my health is fine. That’s not the issue.
One last point to consider is that keeping this site on-line COST me money and I won’t be paying for it for nothing, meaning that I won’t abandon the site as is and not update it. What will happen then? I don’t know. Note that since the website is mp63.ca, the “ca” meaning that it’s a Canadian owned site, per convention with the authorities of the WebNames registrations, the owner of the site must resides in Canada. It means that a non-Canadian cannot own a .ca website (when I registered that name, I had to prove that I was residing in Canada).
I’m not there in my thoughts about simply closing the site or to transfer the ownership to someone else or to allow someone to create (and maintain) an archive. Damn, I would love to, but I don’t think I’m worthy of this kind of legacy. – My wish was to be acknowledged by some fetish scene icon. It never happened, so… Why bother. (hell, I have only 275 followers on IG and each post is “liked” by, on average 25 people… Not even 10%… I don’t call that a successful account.)
With that settled (don’t have to think that I have to keep the fans entertained), I will let my thoughts float for the summer and make a decision next fall.
Hope you’ll understand.
Pete / Pierre.
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39 thoughts on “Am I at This Point in My Life?”
I think your stories and art are worth preserving.
But you do what makes you happy.
I have enjoyed your stories.
I love you story and art, and I will try to respect your decision how ever it looks like.
Thank you for your great work.
Thank you, Sandra.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that, while I will be very sad if you stop writing it is your decision. But regarding your reach, have you considered resurrecting your Deviantart account or crossposting your stuff to more mainstream sites like Reddit or posting your renders to your twitter account?
For the DA thing, do you imagine the amount of work uploading over 350 stories this involves?
Nope. Not gonna do it.
…. Considering the work it was just to organize a part of my favorites on that website I can understand your reluctance, but I would still say that having a presence on the website could be advantageous for you even if you don’t reupload your back catalog. For instance, I missed your journal stating your reasons for leaving the website, and since you shut down your page entirely I had no idea where to find your work. It took me quite a lot of detective work to track you down again. I have run into multiple people in Rubbermatt’s comments who were wondering just where you went (I of course sent them this way), there are probably others in a similar position who couldn’t track you down. I think I remember you having some antipathy for the site, but I hope that you will at least consider it.
Well then, Jakob. Go ahead. Do it. You have my total blessings. You already have access to everything I created on THIS site. Select All, Copy, Paste. Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. It’s simple.
Create an “archive page” on DA or whatever you want to call it. You have my permission. I can even write something to promote it, to “approve” of it so that people will know it’s legitimate and will link it from this site.
Then, all you have to do is copy all 350+ story posts from this site (currently 470 posts but they’re not all stories, as for example, calendars.) , plus the 750+ 3D-art posts and upload them to DA, then go to each and every story which does have art associated with it and link said art with the proper story and put it at the right place, assuming you want to create an archive of stories AND the art, of course. If it’s a story-only archive, then you just saved yourself a lot of work.
But do not forget to add keywords, sections, categories or whatever sorting scheme you’d like to have in place.
Posting a story here, on my site, is a seven steps process (without art). If there’s art, each art piece adds 6 steps. Meaning that a story with 10 images requires 67 steps.
Posting anything on DA is a similar step intensive process.
It’s up to you. You do it.
*I* will not.
I would echo the above thoughts of gratitude for your art, but also that if you aren’t “feeling” it anymore… Then I fully support you moving on to different things.
That said, I REALLY hope that either a method is figured out to archive this, or better yet, find someone who curate this and if you were willing, add their own flavors and stories.
You are a gift sir, and we appreciate you.
I’m open to suggestions.
I understand what you’re saying though I’m sorry. I am a faithful follower of your stories. When I see that the website has been updated, I wait for the moment when I can calmly read the new story (and, since my English is terrible, I usually have to copy it and go through the google translator). Anyway, thank you very much for all the good (and exciting 🙂 times I’ve had thanks to you!!
Thank you very much.
“Before” I was coming home and I was eager to write.
Now, I have the idea. I force myself to put it down into a story and after a page or so, I get bored.
It might just be something temporary, a state of mind. I dunno. I hope, tho…
Although I don’t want you to stop writing, I respect your ideas. If you decide to stop writing, I will save all the articles to my computer for me to read countless times in the future. It has been three years since I knew you. Thank you for your company. No matter how you choose, I respect your decision!
Your stories are awesome.
I’ve been following you from the karen fetish world till now through DA.
I wrote to you only once during KFW (may be my mistake not wrote to you anymore, but I’m not very used to wrote to someone).
It would be a big shame to lose all your stories and all your work!
Have you ever considered to collect your stories in a book/e.book and sell it?
Thank you for your support, Alex.
And I must say that you have a great sense of humor. Sell my stories? Ha, ha! Good one!
In my 20+ years of posting stuff, I’ve asked for contributions, even had a “donate” button at some point. I merely got a total of $200 from 3 people.
When I suggested I may go “pay site” for $25/year (that’s merely $2/months” I received hate messages, so…
Make a book (or books? We’re talking about 3000 pages – WITHOUT IMAGES) and sell it? Nope. People would not buy it.
As for the sale of printed books, maybe you can initiate a vote to print a few copies for interested people? I don’t know if Australia can print some books and sell them by itself! It would be too expensive if all the books were printed in a formal way! My country can print dozens of books by itself. A 300 page book costs about $44. If you are going to do so, I am willing to pay for one!
300 pages for $44. We’re talking about 3000 pages so… 440??
And before printing, the stories would need to be revised, corrected. My english isn’t perfect and I wouldn’t sell books.
Just putting them into an e-book (I thought about it a while ago) is again one heck of a job of formatting and revising.
There exists “print on demand” services over here too.
It doesn’t matter. Since you agree with me to keep your work, there is no need to print a book! I’ll just save it!
I mean, if you want to print your work into a book, I’ll buy it!
Sorry, maybe I said something too much! Among the latex article writers I know, no one updates more and faster than you, and you have updated so much in these years! If you finally decide to close the website! I want to save some of your works to my computer! Of course I will get your permission before I do so! Finally, I would like to say thank you for your article, which has brought me a lot of fun over the years!
And that might be MY problem.
I took the habit to post at least a story a month. At some point, I was posting one story PER WEEK.
Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself to not “disappoint the fans” and to post on a regular basis.
Maybe I simply need some long vacations of writing fetish stories.
Closing the site is one option. I’m thinking about the future of the site, of my fetish writing over the summer and shutting it down is one of the options.
Who knows, the pleasure of writing fetish stories might grow back. Maybe one story every few months is enough.
And if I do shut it down, it won’t be done in a rush, overnight, like I did on D.A. because someone pissed me off really badly.
In the meantime, I’m concentrating, without any pressure, without any deadline, to my S-F Trilogy.
And feel free to copy the current stories to your hard drive. No permission needed. They’re on the friggin’ internet, so anybody can copy them.
The ONLY thing I ask, and what I’ve been asking from the start is that, if one re-post stories or art, one MUST KEEP the copyright notice, the original artist source, and don’t claim it “your own.” and especially DO NOT SELL IT. I don’t mind, and would even be honored if someone uses some of my 3D-art for their own stories, as long as MY name is kept on such art. Give credit to the creator. And if said “user” makes money out of it, I want my share!
I put all of that for free, they MUST remain free. Or give my my share.
If someone is willing to compile the stories into epub, go for it. And we can work it out so that that person can have access to the source files. Anything is possible.
Thank you for your reply! I see! In my country, writers who write works like yours update irregularly! They will write a long article at one time and never update it for a long time! I prefer long stories. He can tell a lot of stories and content. Oh, what science fiction trilogy did I hear? Looks like another long story? May I ask if it’s latex?
S-F story: It’s not “fetish based” although along with many revisions, I added more sexy stuff, like tight fitting shiny suits, high heels (on men…), but it’s by no mean a fetish story. But you can be sure that I fought hard not to put her (Jahana) in latex, corset and ballet boots, being captured and stored into a vacbed or things like that…
You can see some images with a little bit of details here
That was over a year ago and I haven’t worked on it until the past few days, revamping part II and creating new arts. I’m still not happy with some sections of PT2 and I have to set my mind into the story to fix it.
Of course, I only appreciate your works when I save them. I will not publish or make profits!
As all of us commenters have shown, we all appreciate your work.
As for a long term solution, i have an easy idea, but most importantly free. It will be a hassle to continuously update as you post, but you can have an archive of this entire website (as is) hosted free using Cloudflare pages if/when you consider to be done.
Just to explain some details:
wp2static dumps your whole site as a zip of files
Upload that zip to Cloudflare pages
Setup DNS to point to new site
Will look into that (in the event of…)
I like reading Your stories. Usually well done. But, well…. this is just an erotic fiction. It won’t turn the world upside down. Erotic art is for pleasure, so the only reason for it to exist it is to bring a pleasure. To both ends, readers and creators.
On the other hand I also did some art in that area and tried writing some move vanilla stuff. Had a lot of fun with it. Then the fun subsided. Of course I never got any income from either of works and the only motivation was fun, so I suspended it. Yet it is still there (https://www.deviantart.com/taszjekt) but it costs me zero.
I think the most important part in Your story is: “Do You like doing it?” Does it make Your mind spinning? Do You have fun when writing or making renders? Is Karen just a dead body or is she living inside Your soul?
You are spending some money and a lot of time on it. Sure, true. The question is, can You actually get alike amount of fun for that price doing something else?
If after reading it You will find that writing is still a fun worth the price then keep doing it. If not, give a try to something else. Nothing other matters, this is Your life and You should have fun living it.
Back in the days (shit! Am I that old??) I didn’t even knew what a fetish was. What I knew what that I loved women in very tight jeans (those were the days before any stretch denim) and high heels. I would walk around and see one and think about her life, what would happen. Of course, tight jeans and high heels were the fashion of the day (disco era…) so people were wearing them on their daily life. It was easy to imagine a woman struggling to get in her car because her jeans were too tight because I could see it happen with my own eyes. Of course, it was all happening in my mind and I seriously thought that I was “sick between the ears”.
Then came that thing called Internet and I discovered, through lengthy 56kbps downloads, that I wasn’t that sick, that other people, men and women, were liking that.
Since I was already writing short stories I wondered what if I could write something with tight jeans in it. And Karen was born (See “The First Story”).
I discovered that I could write the very life of that fantasy character, to fulfill my fantasies, to make her live what I couldn’t live (because, well, that guys in high heels thing.). So, I started to write to express what my mind was seeing.
And with those first days of Internet and a thing called Geocities, I had my own website with my stories on it.
And people liked them.
And I wrote more. No pressure. Hell, no need, I had so much ideas. I had fun writing those situations. Everything was new. I was discovering too, getting membership to fetish and bondage websites.
And the years passed. I walked out of the internet but I kept writing, because I HAD TO. I had to get those stories out, even if it was just for me. And again, years passed. Internet changed. “likes” and stuff like that appeared. I started to have recognition and I liked it.
Then DA happened, I got a tons of likes, but also jerks abusing of my goodwill, with the outcome that many knows (I shut down my page without warning, to those who don’t know) and left Internet. And I heard that people were actually looking out for me. People were seeking my stories! Wow, what a feeling. I was “liked” as a fetish writer.
So, a new website was created. I wrote again, because I liked it, but I was searching for the “likes” fore the feedback, and I wanted more, and more, so I wrote more, and more, and the hobby became an obligation, a chore that I HAD TO write for the readers. NOT for me. I was writing because I wanted a story out every week, every months. Some were writing with ideas and I wanted to please everybody, put every fetish in there.
And that’s where it all went down the drain. It had become a “job”, a task, a chore. I wasn’t writing for pleasure it brought me, but to please the readers.
So, here I am now.
Do I still have fetish stories ideas? Hell yes. Every. Fucking. Day.!!
However, right now, I brush them aside. Maybe next fall.
For now, I’m taking a break writing fetish stories. I want the process of writing fetish stories to be a pleasure. And it will be a pleasure when, and only when, I will start writing for myself instead as for the likes.
When you see some people making thousands of $$ a week on IG or OnlyFans by posting pictures of their tongue, you wonder why *I*, who had written over 350 fetish stories, can’t get a fucking penny out of them, and it pisses me off.
Nobody forced me to create my own website. Nobody forced me to buy my domain. Nobody forced me to get into DAZ and to buy props and stuff.
I did it all myself because I wanted to do it. Nobody is to blame. Well, actually, one is to blame: me.
I will write again Fetish stories when it will be fun to do. I don’t pressure myself. That “fall deadline” is just a line on a sandy beach.
You describes what I’m going through, taszjekt.
Thank you for your support.
I only recently (~ 5-6 months ago) found your stories and your website, and I absolutely love them. I really hope you continue writing stories, even if it isn’t anywhere near the regularity you have right now or had in the past.
Still, if you should stop and shut down the website, I’d be quite interested in archiving it and preserving it in some way.
I can only hope you continue this endeavour, as I’ve come to greatly every single piece you’ve written so far.
“come to greatly enjoy…”
Missed a word there -.-
Thank you very much.
I’ll keep your offer in mind, if ever the decision is so.
And bout you typo. I didn’t noticed it before you pointed it out. The brain is a weird machine.
Hi, still discovering your stories, and like them very much, but there is a huge amount of stuff, and it takes a lot of time tp dig in site.
Should I make a backup of your site (for my own usage) or in worst case, the site will stay on line as an archive ?
The answer to your question will be posted on September 1st.
No matter my what decision will be, people will have time to do what they want to do, meaning that if I decide to “kill the site”, it won’t happen on the 2nd of September.
Nice to hear it.
May be a few adds may at least help to pay the hosting of the site if you don’t want it to come from your pocket.
hi, first of all thank you for your countless great stories. I have to admit that I always long for a new story! but don’t think you have to write! don’t ruin your wonderful hobby with these thoughts.
i think all other readers and i will of course wait longer if we know you just enjoy writing and drawing. I hope it will be a lot of fun and I love more wonderful stories 🙂
Greetings Latex Sandra
Thank you very much for your support. I greatly appreciate it.
As for the “future”, a slightly (okay, a very) twisted and subtle “hint” will be posted an upcoming post, scheduled for the 25th of August.
Your work is fantastic and you deserve to pursue what makes you happy. I just hope you can leave this trove of perfect writing open for others to continue to enjoy.
Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
The “answer” to the question/outcome of the site and my writing/creating period will be posted on September 1st.