Am I At This Point In My Life – Part Deux


September 2022

If you looked and especially read the little Calendar Story posted a few days ago, you might have got the hint of what’s going to happen now that my period of reflection of last summer is over*1.

What I came to the realization includes but is not limited to:

  • I can’t stop my creative engine.
  • I just have to put those ideas down, somehow, in the form of stories or 3D art.
  • I have to ‘let it go’ (No, not that Frozen song… Great, now Disney is going to file a lawsuit against me for copyright infringement…) and not pressure myself on delivering something all the time.
  • I’m trying to please everybody. Which is bad because I don’t write for myself but for someone else’s fantasies, which is like an (unpaid) commission, and is the reason why I don’t do commission in the first place.
  • I don’t need to post something every week.

I realized that I was pressuring myself with the last three items of that list. I wanted to update the site on a regular basis. Why? To please the few people*2 who are following my pretty ordinary work. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate all my “followers” and I get a warm feeling each time I get an email or comment stating “Just discovered your site and…” or “Been looking for you for a while”, or anything similar. I was looking at the site stats and going “Ooo. Hits are getting down, I must put something new”.

All of that for what? A few ratings? Even rarer comments? And that’s where I realized that I had fallen the pray of “popularity / appreciation” rating, something that would make me happy for, oh, 15 seconds, and would not bring anything more. As many business owners answers to choosing beggars / influencers: exposure and likes don’t put food on the table.

Actually, this guy made me realize it: (The point that got to me is within the first 5 minutes)

So, am I shutting down the site?

Answer: NO

Am I to continue to update the site?

Answer: YES

Will there be REGULAR updates?

Answer: NO

If I don’t want to end-up again with another writer’s indigestion, I have to let it flow. I have to write when I feel up to it, NOT because I want to update. I will (try to) NOT let myself being influenced by the stats. I will try to NOT loose MY voice.

So, in short, new stories will be posted, when I will have new stories to post. It could be 2 stories in 2 weeks, as well as one story within 2 months. Deep down, I wanted to “set a record” for the most posted stories by a single author. (Well, my idol writer is Isaac Asimov, who published over 500 books in his life.) The thing is: people don’t give a damn. Otherwise, some publishing house would have notice. Or it is, perhaps, because I’m not the awesome writer I like to think I am, so 300+ pieces of junk, no matter how good some people might find them, are still pieces of junk *3.

So, fuck it for the number of stories. It’s my personal record (hell, every new story sets a new record) and I’m proud of it.

Some stories will have lots of art, some others no art at all, and everything in between. And yes, there will be other science-fiction stories. Well, this is my site and I will post whatever the fuck I want.

Did I write during my hiatus? You bet!

I have one complete story, ready to post (will post within a few days), I have another one in progress and I have three more ideas that I’ve written down. Told you: my creative engine won’t stop. However, that first story took a month to write. And that second one is two month in the making.

Now, I know I repeat myself but since this isn’t a pay site, I don’t have to provide regular updates, or stories that are aimed at the “pressure of the commenters”. I will post what I write. If one doesn’t like it, so be it. That’s all. I’m not paid by the number of clicks, or likes or visitors or followers. I’m not paid at all. So why should I pressure myself to deliver anything?

That being said, I thank all of you who followed me over the years to my multiple changes of “addresses”. I’m very honored that you chased me down that much. I thank all of those who just discovered me and are eating those stories down like they are the best meals they ever had. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.

I also thank the numerous “silent readers” who read, but don’t rate and don’t comment. I respect your choices. The fact that there’s nearly 300 visits PER DAY*2 is reward enough (although I have no clue how many of those are bots*2…)

So, on with the show.

And please, rate and comment if you can. THAT is my paycheck.


*1If you didn’t get the “hint” from the Calendar story, let me put it this way. When Lynda approaches Karen, she says : “I’m sure this will give your friend, the writer, a lot of inspiring thoughts…”. Yeah, subtle. I know…

*2 The “stats” are “speaking”. I get close to 300 visits per day. Are those 300 real people interested by what is on this site, or are they 25 interested people with 225 bots looking for something to spam/steal? I mean, my anti-spam firewall is blocking 16k hits per week. Yes, 16000 hits. That’s more than 225 hits a day. What is real?

*3 I’m exaggerating to make a point here. You don’t need to flood my inbox or the comment section with variations of “don’t say your work is junk”. I know it’s not junk. It is just, apparently, not up to the standards to be spotted by a publisher or someone “important”.

P.S. Wanna know what really, but really pisses me off? Someone new, who devours the content (he/she likes) within a few days, and then write “please, post more”, or “more of +specific topic+”. Damn!! Really??

I would slap that person so hard that the eyes would end up at the back of the head. If I was new and only had a dozen or so stories posted, I would take that as a compliment, but after 300+ stories? Telling me “please, post more?” This is plainly insulting. I’m not shitting those things every time I go to dump a load. “Continue your work” or something similar would be more appropriate. I think.

Stats (90 days) – for what it’s worth.

Again, Thank you Germany… but the USA is hot on your tail!

For info “bounce rate” is the number of people who leaves after seeing the home page (so, not reading/seeing anything). So, yeah, about half of those “users” left after seeing the home page. Scary as fuck, apparently.

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19 thoughts on “Am I At This Point In My Life – Part Deux

  1. Welcome back! I will always follow you no matter how many addresses you change! Because I like it! I don’t care when you update the previous stories I can read many times because they are worth reading many times!

    1. Thank you very much.
      Thank you very much. (There! You won’t have to re-read it…)

      I don’t plan to move.

      And thank you again for being such a devoted fan.

  2. Great to hear that.
    You made the right choice: keep the fun, trash the pressure.
    You can also remove rating, so you’ll not be tempted to track it 😉

    1. Thank you.

      Removing the rating is, indeed, a solution.
      However, that would remove any mean for “silent readers” to convey their like (or dislike) of a story, without having to write a comment.
      Although that, like for the rest, it’s probably always the same readers who rate, like it’s pretty much all the same readers who comment.

  3. I sounds like you have done a lot of soul searching and introspection on what just makes you happy and I am glad to hear that you have found a path that sounds right for you.

  4. Welcome back and I’m glad that you have managed to work out what is best for you as the writer of all of your fantastic stories.

    Sometimes just having a break and doing some soul searching is what is needed – especially when things aren’t going to plan or how you hoped they would. Stats can be helpful but they can also be a curse especially when, what you are doing, is a hobby and outlet for your creativity.

    Keep up the fantastic work and looking forward to reading your future stories when you are ready to post them. X

    1. Thank you, Rachel.

      Yes, I really needed to take the time to think and make the point, which is the best way to do it, instead of rushing and quitting everything, like I did on DA. Although I don’t regret one bit leaving DA.
      I’m known for being impulsive.

      Also, for some reason, your post got duplicated (exact same thing, exact same time posted) so I took the liberty to remove the clone post.

  5. I just wanted to express my admiration for Your Post. What you write down and tell us is so honest, so self- reflective that I can just congratulate you for these statements.
    So keep going creative and do where your heart and soul leads you to…

    Your Fan

  6. you have no idea how many times I read your stories
    my first language is not English so sorry for my stupid writing

    1. Thank you very much. I’m honored.

      You don’t have “stupid writing”. The very fact that you try off at a foreign language is all the honor for you.
      Those who laugh at someone trying to talk a “foreign” language are assholes.

      English isn’t my first language either (it’s French).

  7. Thank you for your work and great to have you back 🙂
    And just take your time – its very much appreciated!

  8. I understand you and you need to do what YOU want to do, not what people wants or you think people want. If someone needs a regular update, then they can find some to pay about, or just stay put and wait your inspiration and your kindness to write and post for us.

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